So, enough about me...

Everyone knows it's illegal to be asked about gender, marital or family status, age, nationality/citizenship, and religion during an interview... but you should also be very careful what you offer as well.

Now, I have worked in the for- and non-profit sectors, and some applicants have the finesse to talk about themselves a bit. Sometimes, that's ok. Sometimes, it's part of a natural, comfortable conversation. As long as it's a small disclosure from the candidate that makes sense to include, then no biggie really. We all smile and move on.

That being said, here is a list of super fun things that have actually been said to me during an interview which should NEVER, EVER, EVER BE REPEATED. For real.

• "I just live for my kids. Do you have any kids? You look like a mom. I bet you're a great mom."  No kidding, kids. Speaking of kids, Don't Speak of Kids. Not yours, and certainly not the ones you assume anyone else has. A million water-colored pictures of bears and giraffes with holiday family photos on the interviewers desk is still not an invitation into their personal lives.

• "I want to work for XXX company because I have XXX disorder/disease/sickness/affliction/whatever." Admitting anything like this is just opening a huge HR nightmare. Now the HR person knows things they shouldn't legally know about you and you have to believe they won't use it for/against your case to be hired. Even in a charity/non-profit situation where you want to show your level of empathy or understanding, state you have a personal connection to the mission without telling your personal health information.

• "I like working with the door closed to my office; is that cool?" Seriously? I know now you can't play well with others, would prefer to hide or play on YouTube all day rather than work, that you aren't attentive enough to tolerate distractions, and have the audacity to assume you get an office, let alone one with a door. So, yeah, not a good idea.

• "I was fired from XXX company, but hated that place." There are a hundred ways to explain leaving a company or even being terminated without saying something that includes this. Don't throw your old boss under a bus, either. If something occurred out of your control (such as reorganization), state that instead of that the company changed your job and your new boss just didn't "get you" and was a total micro-manager and that's why you left screaming profanities and keying his car. Let's leave those details out.

• How long before I can move up in the organization? If you are interested in learning if the position has an opportunity for growth later, state it with some etiquette. Blatantly telling me this job is a quick stepping stone for you will win you no favors.

• You know what I hate? My immediate guess is class and professionalism.

Remember, first impressions are EVERYTHING. Learn how to properly shake hands and keep eye contact, and leave the personal details at home where they belong.

My batshit crazy allowance has been paid...

...and I've decided to throw it toward sharing my observations of human behavior in my experiences as an HR professional and psychology enthusiast.

Ok, I just read again what I wrote above and have decided that psychology enthusiast sounds really antiseptic and weird but I don't know how else to put it. We will get into it later I'm sure.  ;)

People watching has always been a favorite past-time of mine, and after a dozen years working in mental health and human resources, I thought I would try and put some witty, blunt, hopefully insightful stories to share with the world. Here we go! 


So let's start with a funny story that happened years ago while working as the HR fancypants in a mental health office. We hired lots of recent and soon-to-be undergrads. One fella in particular, we'll call him Joe, worked part-time learning the tests and clerical tasks. Joe was young and gregarious, like Zach Galifianakis-level of outgoing and goofy. I overheard him telling others in the office that he had started working at a bar to get some extra money and since today was St. Patrick's Day, he was expecting a lot of cash. I kindly reminded him later that day that he was to help open the office with me the next morning, to which he laughed and smiled and agreed.


8:00AM
Me: *call his cell phone - get voicemail

8:30AM
Me: *call his cell phone - get voicemail

9:00AM
Me: *call his cell phone - get voicemail

9:15AM
Joe: OMGIAMSOSORRYIAMONMYWAYRIGHTNOW

Around 9:45, Joe stumbles, literally, in the office and he is just a vision. His hair is disheveled, he smells so strongly of alcohol it was like he showered with beer and the best part, he clothes didn't fit. I don't mean the shirt was a bit baggy or the pants a little short. I mean he looked like the Hunk post "hulking out". The shirt barely buttoned across his chest, his undershirt was terribly stained and the pants left NOTHING to my terrified imagination. I have no idea whose clothes they were, but they assuredly were not Joe's.

Then, this:

I can not even thank http://filmcrithulk.wordpress.com enough for having this picture. It so beautifully illustrates the situation better than words ever could. I had never seen anyone just vomit without any attempt to find a bathroom or trash can or even bend over really. Just vomit. Everywhere. Across the whole reception area. In front of a dozen mental health patients.

Needless to say, Joe was instructed that his employment had been terminated immediately and I called him a cab to get home safely. Let that be a lesson to you: Don't vomit and work. Or don't drink and dress.

Also, a very nice elderly patient came to me shortly after the ordeal was over. He leaned in very close and whispered "Lady, I don't want to tell you your business, but that kid was drunk. I used to be one too, I can smell them like a bloodhound." Thanks, man. Where would I be without such helpful insight?



Be kind - I'm sure I'll get better as we go along. I mean, it can't get much worse, right? Thanks for reading. DK