My batshit crazy allowance has been paid...

...and I've decided to throw it toward sharing my observations of human behavior in my experiences as an HR professional and psychology enthusiast.

Ok, I just read again what I wrote above and have decided that psychology enthusiast sounds really antiseptic and weird but I don't know how else to put it. We will get into it later I'm sure.  ;)

People watching has always been a favorite past-time of mine, and after a dozen years working in mental health and human resources, I thought I would try and put some witty, blunt, hopefully insightful stories to share with the world. Here we go! 


So let's start with a funny story that happened years ago while working as the HR fancypants in a mental health office. We hired lots of recent and soon-to-be undergrads. One fella in particular, we'll call him Joe, worked part-time learning the tests and clerical tasks. Joe was young and gregarious, like Zach Galifianakis-level of outgoing and goofy. I overheard him telling others in the office that he had started working at a bar to get some extra money and since today was St. Patrick's Day, he was expecting a lot of cash. I kindly reminded him later that day that he was to help open the office with me the next morning, to which he laughed and smiled and agreed.


8:00AM
Me: *call his cell phone - get voicemail

8:30AM
Me: *call his cell phone - get voicemail

9:00AM
Me: *call his cell phone - get voicemail

9:15AM
Joe: OMGIAMSOSORRYIAMONMYWAYRIGHTNOW

Around 9:45, Joe stumbles, literally, in the office and he is just a vision. His hair is disheveled, he smells so strongly of alcohol it was like he showered with beer and the best part, he clothes didn't fit. I don't mean the shirt was a bit baggy or the pants a little short. I mean he looked like the Hunk post "hulking out". The shirt barely buttoned across his chest, his undershirt was terribly stained and the pants left NOTHING to my terrified imagination. I have no idea whose clothes they were, but they assuredly were not Joe's.

Then, this:

I can not even thank http://filmcrithulk.wordpress.com enough for having this picture. It so beautifully illustrates the situation better than words ever could. I had never seen anyone just vomit without any attempt to find a bathroom or trash can or even bend over really. Just vomit. Everywhere. Across the whole reception area. In front of a dozen mental health patients.

Needless to say, Joe was instructed that his employment had been terminated immediately and I called him a cab to get home safely. Let that be a lesson to you: Don't vomit and work. Or don't drink and dress.

Also, a very nice elderly patient came to me shortly after the ordeal was over. He leaned in very close and whispered "Lady, I don't want to tell you your business, but that kid was drunk. I used to be one too, I can smell them like a bloodhound." Thanks, man. Where would I be without such helpful insight?



Be kind - I'm sure I'll get better as we go along. I mean, it can't get much worse, right? Thanks for reading. DK